I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
