a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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