just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
