Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
