If i come over, it means nothing
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
