i need an iv and a liver transplant
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Randomize
