I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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