and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
