He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
