I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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