did you get engaged???
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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