Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Randomize
