I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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