I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
