Non-Jews are for practice
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
