i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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