You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
