I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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