She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
