No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize