You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
