really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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