bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
