I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The best revenge is premature balding
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
