i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he thought i was a dude.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
