he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
