lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
