So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
