i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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