Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you would pick up someone in the library
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
