Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
