Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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