Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
