Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
