can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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