what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
