My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize