i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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