Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
