Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize