He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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