Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
