This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
