She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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