Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
