ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
