I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
