Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
