I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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