the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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