1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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