Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This baby is an asshole
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
