that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
