Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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