i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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