i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
