they need to just BURY HIM!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
