How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
