I'm jealous of your bromance
the condom got lost in my hair
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
