the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
