I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
