I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
